April Is For Autism Awareness

A few days ago, I was snuggled up on the couch with James. He was watching The Jungle Book, or Mobley as he calls it, on his kindle. He was smiling and giggling as he watched the characters sing and dance around. I asked him if he was watching Mobley and he grinned at me and laughed. I started to sing along with the Bare Necessities song. He stopped smiling and laughing. He looked up at me. He wasn’t smiling. Faster than I could react, he reached up and hit me. Twice. Hard enough to stun me, hard enough to hurt my feelings. I gasped and stopped smiling. He looked at me. He was unhappy with me. I tell him ‘say sorry mom, for hitting you’. He echos me awkwardly. I look at him. I'm not smiling. He watches me for a minute. Then he laughs at me. I feel tears welling up and running down my cheeks. He goes back to watching his movie. I wondered to myself, what kind of crazy world am I living in where that is what happens when I sing along with a song? In what universe is this a normal occurrence? When did things like this become so commonplace in my life that it’s not that big a deal anymore?

And then I realize, This is life with autism. This is my normal. Things like this happen to me, my other kids and my husband every day. We make jokes about some of the things that happen, and we post lots of cute pics and videos of James on Facebook and Instagram to document the good things, but this is the reality. This is the every day struggle. This month is Autism Awareness Month. And this is my reality.